Enough
At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history. Heller responds, “Yes, but I have something he will never have. I have enough.”
-Excerpt from “Enough.” by John Bogle
Everywhere I look, there's a constant stream of temptation to keep up with the Joneses (who are these Joneses anyway, and how did they end up with so much disposable income [or a hefty credit line]?!).
In my own life, I’ve seen it recently with multiple family members and friends making expensive-to-me ($80k+) vehicle purchases, a steady flow of friends posting their overseas travel on social media, and a nearby neighbor expanding their already massive 4000+ sqft. house into a legitimate 7000+ sqft. mansion.
Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s clear that – to a point – material things can make your life better! And, to me, it’s also clear that you should figure out the few things that matter deeply to you and pursue those things relentlessly. But most people mindlessly cross a line between “what matters to you” and “I want that too,” the latter only restrained by their spending power.
This post discusses the way our family thinks about the three main things – houses, cars, and travel – people spend competitively on.
Houses
In late 2016 we decided that one year in the San Francisco Bay Area was enough for us, and we began planning our cross-country move to Upstate New York. Having recently gotten permission to work remotely – and after receiving a promotion and raise – we were in the fortunate position to have one Bay Area salary in a region where (at the time) $500,000 got you a small mansion’s worth of house.
As we began our house search, the temptation to spend big was incredible! Lenders were happy to approve us for a mansion-size loan, and we – with a little bit of extra effort – could’ve paid for that loan. Worse still, there were plenty of houses in that price range that we loved (including a 3200 sqft. mid-century beauty with 4+ acres of park-like property adjoining a semi-private lake)!
In the end, we chose to be much more conservative with our budget – capping it at $200,000 – and lucked into finding an 1100 sqft. home in one of the most picturesque villages on the Erie Canal.
Instead of buying a secluded but beautiful house that required a vehicle to go everywhere, we’re now surrounded by wonderful families, (good) live music within earshot of our backyard, and an easy walk to more than 20 different eateries. We focused on the everyday things that we really value, and we couldn’t be happier!
Cars
When I was growing up, I was obsessed with the Porsche 911 Carrera. It was my favorite car from as early as I can remember, and I still to this day admire a well-kept 911 when I see one on the road. In 2014 I had a “quarter-life crisis” and decided that I needed to buy a vehicle that was fun to drive – and served our family well. Worse still, I was 25 and making low six figures (more money than I had ever experienced in my life). So off to the dealerships I went.
At first I decided to explore some relatively premium vehicles – I recall test driving a thrillingly fast BMW coupe with a heads-up display projected onto the windshield – but fortunately my analytical mind kicked in before I could do anything stupid irresponsible.
Thinking more carefully about our actual needs was what saved me from a poor purchase. At the time we were a one dog family and made a cross-country road trip at least once a year, often during a holiday that required transporting gifts. A cramped coupe – however fun to drive – was not going to fit the bill. This also ruled out even more irrational options (such as my all-time favorite Porsche), pushing our exploration towards 5-seat SUVs.
After browsing several models in a similar price range and a couple of longer test drives with our final two contenders (a Volvo XC60 and an Infiniti QX50), we happily chose the Infiniti. It was neither the cheapest nor most expensive option we considered, but we felt that it had the best balance of characteristics we valued most. Nearly 10 years, 130,000 miles, and countless road trips later, it’s still serving our family well!
Over those last 10 years, we also took advantage of our situation to buck a major trend. If you look at most households, there’s often one car per driver. Of course there are families with jobs in completely different directions who need to have separate cars, but I’d argue that it’s likely that a reasonable number of households could get away with having fewer vehicles. This is especially true in cities with strong public transportation and rideshare, and has only become more reasonable with the rise of remote work.
When we moved to the San Francisco Bay Area in late 2015, we had two vehicles (our Infiniti, plus a leased Honda Civic). But because of the inanity of traffic, I had traded driving to work for commuting by bicycle (to illustrate how silly it was, I would regularly get home before my wife, despite leaving the same area at the same time!). When our lease was up (and before we had decided to move back east), we chose to try out living as a one car household.
Every once in a while it was tough, and we still have days every month where we need to do a bit of extra schedule juggling to handle conflicts, but overall it has been a resounding success! Unless it’s purely for the purpose of having a fun car, we’ll likely never own two cars again. But generally speaking, there's no practical reason for us to spend additional money to have two vehicles sitting around most of the day.
Travel
I’m sure you – like me – know people who treat rattling off the list of countries they’ve been to like a competitive sport. I want to be clear: travel is undoubtedly a wonderful way to experience the world. It doesn’t matter if it’s learning about the traditions of different cultures, discovering the charm of a seaside village, getting caught up in the bustle of a city center, or whatever it is you like to do on vacation. To me, the point isn’t to rack up as many passport stamps and airline miles as possible, but rather to appreciate what I’ve experienced and to absorb it into my worldview.
While we’ve greatly curtailed our travel over the last few years while I focused on bootstrapping my own company, we’ll be starting to travel again as we move towards 2025. In our latest annual budget, we’ve earmarked roughly 15% of our monthly spending for travel, because it is one of the most important things in our lives (and having spent less time traveling recently has negatively affected our moods). However, instead of rushing towards all of the Instagrammable places in far-flung locales, we’ll be focused on a few things.
- Appreciating our region
When we moved to the Finger Lakes region back in 2017, we chose to do so in part because of its proximity to our families. But it is full of so much natural beauty, historic towns, and tasty food, and we’re constantly discovering new favorite places more than 7 years later!
- Visiting close friends
As a result of our moving around the country, we have friends all over! Typical for people in their 30s, most of those friends have young kids that make it harder for them to travel. In our next year, we have plans to visit friends in Oregon, California, and New Mexico, and we’re so excited to spend time in some of our favorite places with some of our favorite people!
- Exploring a new country
In late 2019, we had made plans to visit Ireland and England in September of the following year. Fast forward to the events of March 2020, and it’s clear that our plans fell by the wayside. Whether we still choose to visit those places or instead opt for another region of the world remains to be seen, but our decision will be focused on what we’re most excited about exploring at the time. You can be sure that places hyped by social media posts of friends, family, and strangers are unlikely to make the cut.
Putting it all Together
Every time I come across highly-curated pictures from my friend’s most recent (of many) international trip, see a ridiculously expensive car, or drive past an estate-style home, it tears at me. Deep down, I do appreciate aspects of each of these things, and I wouldn’t mind having them. But the things our family truly values – the ability to meld with a locale, practicality, and a high-quality day-to-day existence – conflict with the excess and curation we see around us. Perhaps poet Thomas Gray was partially right when he coined the phrase “Ignorance is bliss” in 1742.
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